Category Silly Stuff

The Wry Eye Christmas Diet Poem

Paul - The Wry Eye Guy

Christmas Day is done & gone
And now I feel so yuck.
I’m fat & stuffed & way past full,
I hope my scale is stuck.

It wasn’t Christmas dinner,
Not turkey, ham, nor duck.
But all that cake & chocolate
That makes me want to chuck.

I didn’t mean to do it,
And I feel like such a schmuck.
For eating with such fervour,
That I weigh more than a truck.

It’s now all done & in the past,
I must regain my pluck.
I need to eat a whole lot less,
To skip that nip & tuck.

It’s time to knuckle down again,
And wade out of this muck.
I just can’t wait for new year’s day,
That trend I need to buck.

Instead, I’m on the wagon now,
With courage & with pluck.
I’ll screw it to the sticking place,
I’ll slapshot with that puck.

It’s here, it’s now, it starts today,
I’m done with all that guck.
If I don’t get it right this time,
My life will surely suck.

You’ll wonder how I got this far,
Without me saying … Luck!
I’ll need that too but saved one more,
Should things still run amuck.

I’m sure that you can guess this word,
And no, it isn’t cluck, nor struck!
And should I need it, I’ll still be…
One very fat Canuck!

©Paul Walsh 2019

12 Things About Christmas

Paul - The Wry Eye Guy

Once upon a time …

Though it’s not really that long ago, it’s amazing how much the things & the work surrounding the Christmas festivities have changed.

Can you add to this list?

  1. Where did we find the time to write 50, 60, maybe even closer to 100 Christmas cards? By hand even? And we had to lick the stamps! Yuck!
  2. There was a time when the Amazon was only a river & a rainforest. Now we don’t even have to leave home to shop.
  3. Expecting a CD or vinyl under the tree? Now we get an email with a gift subscription link to a streaming music service.
  4. We had no other choice but to watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on Christmas Day.
  5. Remember how long it took to find that one dead bulb that kept the tree lights dark?
  6. On Christmas morning, we had to light the fire with paper, kindling & matches. That sounds so Dickensian! LOL
  7. We got up at 5am to start preparing the Christmas dinner. Now we slap the pre-cooked turkey & ham into the oven 45 minutes before eating.
  8. Our local church streams its services. Is that okay, do you think!?! Unless the kids are young, of course, then there’s no choice but to go to the crowded children’s mass. And yeah, that takes about two hours!
  9. Hey priest & choir master … we used to know the words to those old “greatest hits” Christmas hymns!
  10. Used to be that I’d go through the entire festive season without even thinking about the bathroom scale!
  11. Can’t believe there was a time I was disgusted by the thought of having Christmas dinner on the beach!
  12. Imagine there was a time when Christmas was all about God ‘n’ love for each other ‘n’ mushy stuff like that?

Fortunately, it still is. I still see it everywhere, when I take the time to look. In the faces of family & friends when we shake hands & hug, exchanging the spirit of the season. In the local supermarket, when people drop a bag of groceries into the donation bin for those in greater need. In the Salvation Army baubles, bulging with cash donations at this time of year. In a million little ways, so many, regardless of religious beliefs, do a little more. We seems to find a little more of our humanity around this time of year.

There ought to be an app for that!

I may occasionally look back, with nostalgia, on the good old days but, to be honest, I like all the new stuff. And the new ways. I’m just grateful that we seem to have managed to preserve the spirit of, & that’s the best of, the old ways too.

I would like to wish you, & all those you hold dear, a very Merry Christmas. May whatever light that’s lights your way, shine brighter throughout this holiday.

Thank you for reading my stuff throughout 2019. I promise I’ll diet better in 2020. But forgive me if I overindulge during the holidays!

Merry Christmas to all! 🙏🎄🎅🎁

Stocking Stuffer & Christmas Gifts

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Christmas is coming, pick up a copy of my absolutely amazingly hilarious collection of Irish short stories as a stocking stuffer for yourself. Or as a gift for a friend. You can tell them you know the author!

For a Man or a Dog is available at your local Amazon site, in paperback & Kindle versions.

Okay, guilt is forcing me to back off the sales pitch a bit … being honest, I think that maybe one third of the stories are great, another third are decent & …

okay, let’s leave it at that! 😜😁

Click the Preview button below & skip through the Introduction to read the first story.

PS … Aside from the Irish shenanigans, you’ll get some interesting insights into where my dietary challenges might have originated too!

Current of Kindness

Paul - The Wry Eye Guy

Spread Some Love Today

A little busy at the moment (& my diet is going sooo well too … NOT!) but I just feel compelled to reach out to the void sometimes so here’s a quick scribble. Not at all related to weight loss.

I’ve just discovered that going down for a cup of coffee & a cigarette is not a cure for insomnia. Going down for a second round just means you’re up & at it early today.

Woohoo! 😭😜😁

Here are few things I’ve learned, or relearned, this week, mainly about myself, but see if you can relate …

If you want me to say nice things about you behind your back, then try being nicer to me when we’re face to face. Of course, if I’m just saying things behind your back, you’ll never know, so who cares, right? Next time I see you, I’ll tell you what I really think of you, right to your face. I really think a lot of you, however, so you’ll probably regret not being nicer to me. Sorry!

I’m sometimes inclined to feel sad about things & I’ll think of someone else’s even bigger misfortune by way of leveraging comparitive positivity. Then I’ll feel guilty for doing that & wind up feeling even worse. Today, I think I’ll punish myself by putting a coffee & a sandwich in a coffee shop till for someone who needs it. And then I can spend the rest of the day wondering if that’s just more of the same!?!

Civilisation is but a fragile veneer, easily scratched. It’s sometimes little more than a slender facade covering what lies beneath. Its polish, thankfully, is nothing more than kindness. It only takes a positive bias towards kindness to steer us towards being a little more civil, being a little nicer to each other. I think we probably all have the responsibility to spread a little niceness around every day. I really don’t feel up to it today, however, so I’m hoping you can take on my burden, for me, just for today. Thanks, I really appreciate it.

Good grief, I can hardly believe this but I think I am going to have another coffee!

Is it Friday yet?

Have a good day, all.

And yes, I really mean it!

PS … Sometimes I write drivel & I pause a while before posting. When I reread the above, it sounded like so much drivel that I went down for another coffee & cigarette. Outside, I met a young lad who came down from Canada’s far north for medical treatment. He has broken bones & one eye is black & blue, swollen to the size of a baseball. He is soft spoken, pleasant, & he just feels like a nice human being. He was minding his own business, walking along the street, when he was set upon by two guys with hockey sticks.

I’ve changed my mind & will take back my responsibility for spreading some good today. If enough of us drop kindness pebbles in the pond, maybe we can can create a little current of kindness that will help overcome some of our more terrible inclinations. If you do anything nice today, please let me know. I would like to be re-reminded to keep it up.

Top 10 Things to Irritate the Irish with on St. Patrick’s Day!

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Top 10 Things to Irritate the Irish with on St. Patrick’s Day!
Irish Habanero

Some Irish facts for the day that’s in it …

  1. If you want to use the diminutive of the name of our patron saint, the correct version is St. Paddy’s Day, NOT NOT NOT St. Patty’s Day. I’m sure St. Patricia was a lovely woman but we don’t celebrate her on March 17th. Remember that we have Liam Neeson, with that special set of skills, for folk who get this wrong!
  2. I’d have to be under severe duress before I’d even look at green beer, never mind drink it! And no, you do not contaminate a good pint by putting green sprinkles on the top of a Guinness!
  3. Irish nachos are not corn chips with some green crap thrown all over them. Irish nachos are made from spuds! Preferable thinly sliced (to maximise grease absorption!) & fried, of course. Then you throw the bacon, sour cream & green crap all over them!
  4. While I love corned beef & cabbage too, the traditional Irish dish is bacon & cabbage. There’s no point in looking for it outside of Ireland, it doesn’t taste the same. That’s why the Irish adopted the corned beef thing when they came to America. If you’re outside Ireland, you might be forgiven for going with the corned beef & cabbage.
  5. Don’t assume we all know Bono! Though I did work with the Edge’s brother for a while! And now that I think about it, I think a lad I worked for at one time, actually worked with Bono’s brother!
  6. I don’t think I have ever said “Top o’ the mornin'” to anyone in my entire life. Nor has any Irish person ever said it to me!
  7. No, I have no idea how to spell leipreachán. Feck off & look it up yourself!
  8. A four leaf clover does not represent the Irish shamrock. If you smuggle the real thing out of Ireland to plant in your foreign garden. It will die within 24 hours. But remain green after it’s death. (You know I make some of this crap up, right!?!)
  9. We tend to overlook the fact that the lad was English. And we’d be grateful if you didn’t ask us to explain all that to you!
  10. And last, but not least, it’s just pointless me trying to adhere to a diet on St. Paddy’s weekend. So I’m off to have an Irish coffee to start off the day. And I’ll probably have a pint for my morning coffee break. NOT!

Spread the green love … Happy St. Paddy’s Day to all! 🙂