Tag melancholia

Back to Normal?

Paul - The Wry Eye Guy Leave a comment
My Drugs of Choice!

Is it possible that only a week of fentanyl and hydromorphone use, prescribed & while in hospital, could result in withdrawal symptoms?

I’m scared of drugs. I mostly choose to put up with a headache, rather than take an over-the-counter medication. I prefer to let a fever run its course, over taking something that might reduce my temperature. I generally try to avoid antibiotics. Don’t get me wrong, I will take prescription drugs if my doctor tells me it’s essential. I just don’t want to mindlessly, nor needlessly, take them. I figure that my body, despite how poorly I treat it, will know best how to handle most minor afflictions. That philosophy went out the window with my recent attack of pancreatitis. I couldn’t wait for the medical professionals to stuff a fire-hose into my vein. The pain was excruciating and I didn’t care what they had to do to make it go away!

After two or three days, I passed on a refill. I wanted to see if the pain was manageable without drugs. The logic being that pain serves a purpose. If I move, and I feel pain, then perhaps I shouldn’t be moving in that particular way. The test worked. I still hurt. Stick that thing back in my arm again, please!

Next day, I skipped another dose. It hurt, but not so much. I was switched to the oral versions. Overnight, inadvertent turns triggered pain and disrupted my sleep. I wanted to be oblivious, so I took the overnight doses too. When I finally came out of hospital, I was depressed. I was missing my gallbladder. I felt sure that if I’d had time, I could have figured out a dietary solution. I regretted not having had a chance to do that. But I couldn’t risk another attack. Imagine if that happened while travelling. I thought the, potentially unnecessary, loss of my gallbladder was the cause of my melancholia.

While I had to get back to grinding through my work days, I wasn’t enthused about much else. It is only a few days ago that I started to feel like my usual self. Notice too, the length of time between this post and my last. That’s just not me. With the return to my “normal”, I can’t help but wonder if, as much as I missed my gallbladder, was I missing those drugs more?

Scary stuff, those drugs. I think I’ll carry on steering clear of them. And, I hope, hospitals.

Now if I could just develop a similar attitude towards cigarettes!

Bread Depresses Me!

Paul - The Wry Eye Guy Leave a comment

Bread Depresses Me!Nova Scotia Lobster

I still don’t know if this is real or imagined but bread definitely does something to my mood. I keep coming back to this because it’s the one thing I haven’t figured out how to integrate into my dietary regimen. Yet! I’m sure there’s a solution out there, maybe an old strain of the wheat grain will work for me. Or an alternate grain, but I haven’t bothered to chase it down yet.

Meantime, I’m faced with the fact that I pay a price for eating bread. I pay with reduced impulse control. I pay on the scale. And I pay by feeling just a little blue afterwards. And often this persists through to the following morning. After eating bread, I am tempted by other treats that, typically, don’t cross my mind. I try to buy a bar of dark chocolate in anticipation of the loss of control but even that doesn’t provide sufficient resistance sometimes. Most interestingly, I tend to have feelings of light despair, uneasy anxiety, or perhaps it’s just a hint of melancholia. None of these feelings are normal for me. Circumstances don’t change but, after eating bread, I do. It’s possible that the other items I eat, because of the lack of impulse control, are contributing but I think I’ve narrowed it down to bread.

So why do you eat it then, you idiot!

Well sometimes you just do, don’t you! The past week vacationing in Nova Scotia has been wonderful. And one of the great things about being in Nova Scotia is the wide availability of seafood, particularly lobster. Once considered nothing more than a sea bug, an ocean cockroach, it’s now a luxury dining item. Because of demand, it’s not cheap here either. But it’s a lot cheaper than back home so I’m indulging! Anything you can imagine is done with lobster here. And it’s available everywhere. Forget gourmet restaurants, you can get lobster from diners & food trucks in Nova Scotia! Sure you can eat just lobster but you can also have lobster salad, lobster Cesar salad, lobster cakes, lobster club sandwiches, even lobster mac & cheese. And a big favourite with the tourists is the lobster roll. It’s exactly what you’d imagine … a big roll of bread, stuffed to overflowing, with lobster meat. I just knew I’d have to have one. And I did. Yesterday.

So today, I’m just a little off as I write. I’m looking forward to eating far less today. And definitely no bread. I hope I didn’t do too much damage & that my scale will forgive me when I step aboard.

PS … I have to add that this is a fantastic place for a holiday. It’s just ridiculously beautiful, the air is clean, the beaches are glorious. The people are great & the food is to die for. I warn you though, don’t think you’ll accomplish all you set out to do. Maps & the internet do not provide insight into all the distractions you’ll face along the way. Everything takes longer, way longer, than you imagine because it’s impossible to resist the impulse to follow one more sign, to a place with some unpronounceable name. And then you’ll find yourself sitting on a beach, in a deserted cove, that you can call your own for an hour or two. It’s magical. I highly recommend a visit.

And yes, the lobster roll was worth the pain! 🙂