Author Paul - The Wry Eye Guy

Fat & Broken .. but Functional?

Paul - The Wry Eye Guy 2 Comments
Beer or Wine? Mmmm!?!

There has been a big movement decrying fat shaming in recent years and that’s a good thing. It’s sadly typical of the screwed-up society we live in, that men are more “tolerated” for being fat than women. That doesn’t mean we don’t feel the pain sometimes too.

And I do.

These days, we are encouraged to accept ourselves for who we, and as we are. That too is a good thing.

But what if I can’t?

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a store window. Or maybe it’s a pic (Please, God, don’t let them post that online!) on a friend’s phone. And I’m shocked. For the most part I don’t actively notice such things. I carry on with my life, making my best effort to not think about my condition. But, every now and then, I see myself with horrifying clarity. And I am just that … horrified. For some short period of time, I am devastated. Is that really me? How could I have let this happen?

I grew up in a time and place where the definition of good parenting was a little different than it is today. Negative comparisons with our peers was often considered a good motivational strategy. And indeed, for some, it was. Regardless of its impact on my emotional development, I was sometimes motivated to change. Even today, I “happily” berate myself, in the hope of triggering some action.

And … sometimes … it works.

I guess I’m broken. Aren’t we all! Should I go and get it fixed? I don’t think so, it’s not serious enough for that.
Unless it’s the cause of me being fat in the first place!?!
No, that would be a nice excuse but I know that’s not it. Or at least it’s not all of the problem.
But is it okay to use this childhood affliction to motivate adult weight loss?

Occasionally,so long as it’s not bringing me down, I think it is. And, every now & again, I will use a good self-berating session to challenge myself to get back on track.

Such a pity it doesn’t work all the time.

Sometimes, I’ll instead just challenge myself to deciding between whether I’ll have a pint or a glass of wine!!! 🙂

Results … Month #12

Paul - The Wry Eye Guy 2 Comments

Happy Dietary Birthday to me!

It’s early morning, & despite the rain & the grey day I’m looking at, I am so happy to be down 43.2 lbs for the year!!!

I’m going to gloss over the fact that I lost 33.8 lbs in the first 6 months. While only losing 9.4 lbs in the last 6 months. Who cares! I’m down 43.2 lbs for the year!

It probably no surprise that I would lose more in the first 6 months, than in the following 6. But the difference is a little more than might be expected. However … I have some great excuses! Moving house, some added job stuff, that hospital stay. There were a few stressful events that influenced the last 6 months so that’s what I’m blaming the slowdown on. It has absolutely nothing to do with my addiction to my homemade ice cream. Nor the fact that my French fry days have increased a little. Okay, a lot! It couldn’t have anything to do with the bias shifting heavily slightly from dark to milk chocolate, could it!?! LOL

Today is also Canada Day & I’m hoping that rain clears up. Because there’s a big Ribfest going on. And now that I’ve weighed in already, I don’t care how much sugar they’ve got in that BBQ sauce … I’m going out to do some serious damage to some brisket & ribs!

It doesn’t matter where you are, I’d like to share the warmth & joy of this holiday spirit with everyone …

Happy Canada Day to all!

I’ve learned a lot over the course of the past 12 months. The biggest thing I think I’ve learned is what my diet might look like when I decide to stop “dieting”. And I think it’s good! Of course, the job isn’t done yet. There is still a long way to go. But the journey began with a single step. And now, down 43.2 lbs, those steps are getting a little easier to take. I think I’m almost looking forward to seeing what will happen over the next year. I am cautiously optimistic. Putting aside the visit to Ribfest today, I’m ready to tackle the new year. One day & one month at a time.

Wish me luck!

Back to Normal?

Paul - The Wry Eye Guy Leave a comment
My Drugs of Choice!

Is it possible that only a week of fentanyl and hydromorphone use, prescribed & while in hospital, could result in withdrawal symptoms?

I’m scared of drugs. I mostly choose to put up with a headache, rather than take an over-the-counter medication. I prefer to let a fever run its course, over taking something that might reduce my temperature. I generally try to avoid antibiotics. Don’t get me wrong, I will take prescription drugs if my doctor tells me it’s essential. I just don’t want to mindlessly, nor needlessly, take them. I figure that my body, despite how poorly I treat it, will know best how to handle most minor afflictions. That philosophy went out the window with my recent attack of pancreatitis. I couldn’t wait for the medical professionals to stuff a fire-hose into my vein. The pain was excruciating and I didn’t care what they had to do to make it go away!

After two or three days, I passed on a refill. I wanted to see if the pain was manageable without drugs. The logic being that pain serves a purpose. If I move, and I feel pain, then perhaps I shouldn’t be moving in that particular way. The test worked. I still hurt. Stick that thing back in my arm again, please!

Next day, I skipped another dose. It hurt, but not so much. I was switched to the oral versions. Overnight, inadvertent turns triggered pain and disrupted my sleep. I wanted to be oblivious, so I took the overnight doses too. When I finally came out of hospital, I was depressed. I was missing my gallbladder. I felt sure that if I’d had time, I could have figured out a dietary solution. I regretted not having had a chance to do that. But I couldn’t risk another attack. Imagine if that happened while travelling. I thought the, potentially unnecessary, loss of my gallbladder was the cause of my melancholia.

While I had to get back to grinding through my work days, I wasn’t enthused about much else. It is only a few days ago that I started to feel like my usual self. Notice too, the length of time between this post and my last. That’s just not me. With the return to my “normal”, I can’t help but wonder if, as much as I missed my gallbladder, was I missing those drugs more?

Scary stuff, those drugs. I think I’ll carry on steering clear of them. And, I hope, hospitals.

Now if I could just develop a similar attitude towards cigarettes!

Weight Loss Without a Gallbladder?

Paul - The Wry Eye Guy 3 Comments
Dum Aloo or Dum Paul!?!

Despite being fat, unfit, a smoker, & generally an excellent candidate for all the diseases of western civilization, I’ve done pretty well. Short of an unusual incident, or an occasional accident, I have managed to avoid hospitals for most of my life. It was a little cruel that I found myself curled up, on the ground, in the parking lot in one of Canada’s favourite coffee shops, during the first day of me enjoying a couple of vacation days with the family. Fortunately, these coffee shops are well located in the heart of things, so there was a walk-in medical clinic on one side. And an EMS station on the other.

With some assistance, I made it to the walk-in clinic & immediately assumed the fetal position again. On the floor again. That disrupted things a little but one look & the doctor put out the call for the ambulance. The EMS team arrived in minutes & I was on my way to hospital shortly after. Under less painful circumstances, I might have enjoyed the Code 1 ride, lights flashing & sirens a wailing. Not so much this time. Thanks & kudos to those folk who do the ambulance thing for us, by the way. They were great.

Despite how much I know about what my pancreas does for me, from a dietary perspective, I don’t always treat it well. And while I’d certainly heard of this condition: pancreatitis, along the way, I never paused to learn much about it. After all, it didn’t apply to me, did it? It did now. And it hurt. A lot!

Long story short, after 8 days in hospital, I went home, leaving my gallbladder behind in some garbage can. I’m not sure I made the right call in going ahead with the surgery. And though there were people there with far more serious conditions than mine, I still felt sorry for myself. I’m sad that I lost my gallbladder. I miss it!

But how is the lack of a gallbladder going to impact my way of eating? My diet? My weight loss efforts?

There are varying reports on the impact that this very common (too common?) procedure can have on our lives. Most reports seem pretty benign. From a cursory look, it seems like the recommendations for what to eat after the surgery are as confused as the “best diet” recommendations for our general health & well-being. My biggest fears were that I would no longer be able to tolerate hot & spicy foods. And worse, I might not be able to tolerate fatty meals.

Never one to shirk a challenge, I begged for my first home-cooked meal to be hot & spicy … a seasoned-to-kill Dum Aloo! It crossed my mind that it was a little unusual for me to avoid meat, but that’s what I wanted.

And the result?

I survived! Since then, I’ve tried a few high fat meals. Including bacon & eggs, with cheesy home fries … mmmmm! I’m very conscious of not having that big shot of bile available to attack the fat but otherwise, I seemed to tolerate it reasonably well. There are some weird little aches & pains hanging around my midriff but I’m not sure if that’s just the physical healing after surgery. Or if I’m inducing them with my crazy food choices. I also decided to do a big bread day. There was no logical reason why, but I was hoping that I was miraculously cured of my typically poor reaction to eating bread. I wasn’t. And that was a really bad idea!

So now, I’d like things to carry on healing. I hope they didn’t leave a tea spoon inside me. And, maybe in a couple or so days, I’ll get back to the grind of weight loss … without a gallbladder! Fingers crossed, all will be well.

If you are living life without a gallbladder, let me know how it’s going for you.

Results … Month #11

Paul - The Wry Eye Guy Leave a comment

I don’t have a result for this month yet because I can’t get to my scale. I’m writing this from my hospital bed!

My book wasn’t on the used books rack! Might have to sneak back in & donate!

Instead of writing up this month’s results, I’m worried about how my upcoming surgery will impact my weight-loss strategies. My superstitious Celtic nature prevents me from talking about the surgery now (in case I hex things!) but I will cover it later. Along with whatever new challenges that it might impose on my diet. But please, God, let me still be able to eat lots of fat. And hot & spicy stuff!

The dietary component of this week’s post is about the food provided by, what I believe is our best medical facility on the east coast. I’ve been in the Halifax Infirmary, part of the QE II medical complex in downtown Halifax, all week. Up until a few days ago, they fed me salty water in a bag. They they finally served me breakfast. They shouldn’t have bothered!

A low-fat yogurt, with added sugar. A lighter-than-air bread roll, that might as well be sugar. Accompanied by an industrial seed oil margarine. A refined grain cereal, ‘nuf said. And to wash it all down with? A wan-looking 1% milk. Who drinks this stuff!?! Even baby cows would be repulsed!

Now I have spotted better leftovers down the hall so, after a little chat with my favourite catering services person, I’m hoping things will fatten up for me going forward! 😁

Meantime, you can’t help but wonder how menu planning advances happen in the medical world. Most of the folk working here know all about keto, low-carb, whole food, paleo, and so on. And I see them sneaking off to their break room with real food under their arm! Okay, a big chocolate chocolate chip muffin is a bit dubious. But if you’re gonna be bad, then be really bad. One day they’ll rise up & help us powerless patients get some real food too. I can only hope it’s before my next visit!

Talking of the people, they’re something special here. I’m sure everyone says that about their favourite local hospitals. But I think these guys have pushed the curve far to the right. I am almost ready to bawl my eyes out witnessing the patience, the perseverance, and pure kindness so many of these good folk bring to their job. And for the people who depend on them. Broken and distressed, as we patients can sometimes find ourselves.

Thanks a bunch, all you guys at the 4.2 & downstairs, I truly luv y’all. Even those cruel few who take just a little too much pleasure in taking my “vitals” at 4 in the morning!

But I hope the next time I see any of you again is in a pub. And when that happens, the beer’s on me!